Book Review #6: The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

How justifiable is it to place the importance of science above conscience and humanity? Honestly, I don't know.

But Rebecca Skloot did a fine job in challenging me to ponder this issue - along with many others - by provoking the mind with a piece that is horrifyingly descriptive in some parts and emotionally complex in others. It forces you to look at the issues that no one wants to talk about - medical ethics, the appropriateness of taking human cells for research purposes, patents and profits and everything in between.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks presents a central irony - Henrietta Lacks' cells raked in millions of dollars for the companies who made use of them, but her family remains in the dark about all this and is living in poverty. You almost balk at how - forgive the language - "ignorant" some researchers are of the Lacks' suffering and their quickness to assume the Lacks' consent, understanding and pride in the issue.

When you think about it though, without HeLa cells, or other cell lines, we wouldn't have the abundance of medicine and vaccines to save countless lives today. If Henrietta Lacks had refused to give doctors control over her cells, lots more people would still be dying from polio today. It's a delicate situation that lacks an appropriate balance.

Perhaps the more pressing issue at hand is consent. She didn't know, and therefore had no power to say 'NO'. Even if she'd meant to contribute her cells to science, having the right to reconsider or refuse was the basic respect she deserved - the respect anyone today would have deserved. Not knowing what was going on - that was the spark that started the medical ethics wave.

I don't want to give too many spoilers here (though I suspect I might already have given a bit), so I'll leave the rest to your imagination. I personally believe it's a must-read for anyone involved in future medicine, and I highly recommend it for anyone who has used any form of medication, regardless of its research roots.

Henrietta Lacks' cells may not have given rise to all the medicine in the world today, but some place, some time ago, there were people just like her, who unknowingly - or knowingly - made our world a better place today.

Life Lesson #31: Greed

A week ago (or two) I met up with a friend at a cafe. We talked a bit about university, about life, and then inevitably the topic revolved around books. We had both read the same book - Thirteen Reasons Why - but weren't equally pleased with how the book turned out. He had his reasons; I had mine.

For those who haven't read Thirteen Reasons Why, I'll try my best not to spoil it for you. It wasn't my favourite, but the author (in my opinion) managed to highlight something that had been in our lives for too long - greed.

This greed of wanting to please the people who will never reciprocate our feelings the way we want them to - it's contagious, hurtful, but painfully true. This was exactly what happened to Hannah in the story (very minor spoiler, but at least details aren't provided).

There are many more of these Hannahs in the world - some waiting anxiously for a nonchalant Facebook reply, some sitting on desks fidgeting because there's no ping! on the cell, some running out of topics to say when faced with the very people they want so desperately to please. A couple of weeks before that was exactly who I was.

Now when I look back I wonder how I endured all that standing-on-pins-and-needles kind of nervousness, worrying about saying the wrong things, glancing at my phone ALL the time, wondering why there was a read but no reply, basically doing all the things I shouldn't be focusing my energy on. That entire time was mentally and emotionally exhausting. 

Luckily, after a deep heart-to-heart talk with my best friends, I finally allowed the painful reality to sink in. This was as far as it was going to get, and I would not permit myself to committing so much of my time and energy into a situation where I could not sense the sincerity I wanted in a meaningful friendship. 

I don't know how many people seek the same sincerity that I do in a friendship - just the simple knowledge that a person wants to be friends with you because he/she wants to be friends with you. No strings attached, no favours needed, just a commitment of true feelings and trust from both parties. This is the type of friendship I want to cultivate - a friendship where I can be who I am without worrying about whether my next topic of conversation is going to deplete someone's interest.

This post was and will never be intended to smear anyone's good name - but it is a reminder that it's high-time we spent more time on those who have always supported us.

After all, sincerity is a two-way thing - much like love. 

 

Happy Father's Day!

Today is Father’s Day.

What makes this year’s Father’s Day so different from others, is the impending fact that this is the last Father’s Day my sister and I will celebrate for our dad before leaving for university. What also makes it different, is the fact that my sister and I actually miscounted the date (yes, we’re talking about you, June 1^st), but luckily we have back-up plans in the pocket.

Time flies so quickly. In the blink of an eye, eighteen Father’s Days have passed. Eighteen times of buying gifts (maybe not fully eighteen, because I highly doubt we were capable of choosing gifts when we were mere toddlers), preparing cards and ordering cakes. This year is a little bit different.

This year, I am writing a tribute.

My dad is an ordinary dad. He works hard at the office, comes home, watches TV with the rest of the family and on weekends, we go out for breakfast and usually spend the rest of the day at home, watching Korean entertainment shows, changing the water in the fish tanks or playing mahjong.

My dad is a fun dad. He is a dad who sits down and suggests us to make our own amateur predictions about the World Cup. He teaches us interesting card tricks and when we’re watching a Korean singing show, we make guesses on who wins and who doesn’t.

My dad is a supportive dad. He always makes it a point to come to my competitions (even if he doesn’t quite understand what we’re debating about), and is always ready to give us a high-5 when we get off the stage. He looks at our scripts and supports our school events as best he can.

My dad taught me to be a generous and charitable person. Be it donating to a good cause or taking part in one, he used his own actions to show us how to contribute (in our own ways) to society. It is because of him that my sister and I have developed our own opinion of money – that it isn’t the most important thing in life, but that it can be used wisely to help others.

My dad is at times, a strict dad. Like my mum, he is concerned about our education and our social life. While I used to think that the relatively stricter bringing up took a toll on my social skills, now I appreciate that they had been strict with us, as it has taught us to be careful and to be wise in all our actions.

I know that my dad does all these things because he loves our family. But having been brought up in a more Asian home, none of us are very good at expressing our thoughts and emotions. For my sister and I perhaps, it is much easier to use written words.

Happy Father’s Day!!!! And we love you!!!! JJJ

Before I Go to College

In less than two months time, I will be leaving the place I have called home for so many years to study in a place that will play a role in determining my future. I didn't think this day would come so quickly; even after graduating from high school, I didn't find myself counting down the days to when I would live in a foreign country, on my own, for the first time in my life.

And for the first time in my life, I was scared. This fear of living somewhere unfamiliar without my comfortable bed was magnified after spending a brief week staying in my future college. Of course I was excited; but more than that, I was frightened, nervous, lonely. I missed my family, my sister and the friends I would not see for a long time after going to college.

That is why - albeit being a little late - I've paid more attention to my friends' behaviours, their unique fetishes, their likes and dislikes, and most importantly the things they do that remind me all the time of why I befriended them and why I will always be friends with them for decades to come.

Before I go to college, I take with me a little piece of each and every one of my closest and good friends - things I want to learn from them and carry with me wherever I go in this adventure we call life.

My best friend and confidante is my twin sister Jesline. I will most definitely not be where I am today without her help, her competition, her patient listening and her encouragement. She has an iron will, is generous and has this blur innocence that is rare in today's world. Her love of learning very much influenced my own love for random facts and knowledge, and I admire her for her ability to not over-think things. There are many more lessons I have learnt from her, but above all I am thankful simply for the fact that she was, is and will be my sister forever.

After Jesline, I have two special circles of friends - I'll call them an English-speaking group and a Chinese-speaking group. In the former there are seven people including me and Jes; in the latter there are four. These two groups are very important and precious to me, for sharing with me some of the most memorable experiences in my eighteen years of life thus far. But outside of these circles, I have also met some of the sweetest people, who are equally important to me in my life.

Before I go to college, I want to learn from Chooi Yin her (occasional) craziness and bubbly attitude.

From Tania, her initiative to keep herself well-informed and (though she may not want to admit it) her motherly talents.

Nicole's social skills are - to me - an important lesson to ace and remember.

Ying and her surprisingly sweet way of looking out for her juniors.

Qin, I am always impressed with how easily you can adapt to new environments and quickly make friends.

From Teang, her independence, charisma, and seemingly bottomless creativity.

I greatly commend Zhi Ying's patience, willingness to listen and detailed thoughtfulness.

To my "brother" in Japan, Kelven, I've always admired your maturity and caring attitude, and I'm glad to be your "sis".

A special shout-out to Tim - whom I have not talked to for a looooooong time but have never forgotten - I always appreciate your advice and your patience.

From my piano teacher, Teacher Rachel, her kindness, her strength in her faith and her dedication and passion.

I want to learn from my junior, Seow Wen, her way of showing appreciation.

Dear Roi, let's not ever forget our love for the oldies and the unconventional.

To everyone else whose name was not specifically pointed out on this list, thank you for appearing in my life and being a part of my ongoing adventure. Without you all, my life would not be half as interesting as it is today.

And this is why before I go to college, I break my usual convention of not saying anything gooey or emotional to thank and tell my friends how much I appreciate them and how special they are and always will be to me.

I love you guys! <3 <3 <3

Book Review #5: Have A Little Faith

After reading For One More Day by Mitch Albom, I couldn't wait to get started on Have A Little Faith. I was especially excited, because this was based largely on a true story. Mitch Albom did not disappoint with this book. In fact, towards the end of the book, I cried because I could feel all the emotions seeping out between each and every word. That pretty much describes how beautifully-written the book was. I appreciate how the book strengthens the idea that all religions are uniquely different but should co-exist harmoniously together. For example, when the Reb walks arm in arm with a Catholic priest. He uses actions to show that two people of different beliefs can and should get along with each other - because at the end of the day, all religions and all faiths teach us to do good. The book also serves up some simple yet profound life lessons that are buried and long forgotten in our busy lifestyles. "Nothing haunts like the things we don't say" - this was my favourite phrase in the book. I also liked the part where Albom and the Reb talked about wars related to religion. (but I won't diverge further spoilers here) All-in-all, this is a highly-recommended book for people of all religions. It packs a neat bunch of lessons that will stay with you no matter where you place your faith.

Life Lesson #30: Sibling Rivalry

Whenever people ask my twin sister and I about our sibling rivalry, we always tell people that we do have a bit of rivalry, but it's definitely healthy competition and we help each other out along the way. In fact, I think we've answered this question so many times there could an answer script subconsciously embedded into our heads by now.

Our answer hits very close to home; it's not just a diplomatic answer scripted perfectly for reporter interviews. It's true that we compete against each other; it is also true that we give each other tips and help one another out. But one thing that I haven't had the courage to divulge up until now is that yes, jealousy is something that is not lacking in our sibling rivalry.

I don't know how my sister feels about this, so it would be unfair to say that this was our joint opinion. I myself, however, do experience little stabs of jealousy (and at times, disappointment) when I don't do as well, or when I get compared to my sister on every aspect; and by that, I mean literally EVERY aspect. 

Not all twins end up doing the same thing; but in our case, yes, we ended up doing many of the same things. We both did debate, both loved to read and write, both chose the science stream in high school, and played the same musical instruments. We even joined the same competitions and the same societies. If that was not ample room to compare the both of us, I don't know what is.

When I was younger, I let my jealousy grow bit by bit. Though it never came close to the point that I got frustrated with my sister, there were times when I wished we did different things so the comparison wouldn't be so obvious. My sister is an excellent student; being compared to her is tough business.

I'm fortunate, though, that my efforts did pay off and I eventually came to terms with the whole comparing game. But I see a lot of people around me who get compared to their siblings even when they excel in different fields. They are expected to equal, do better than their siblings, or even follow in their siblings' footsteps in the future. Stress levels multiply, frustration grows and both siblings tend to drift apart because of the endless comparisons.

We people love to compare things. We compare prices at supermarkets, toners and moisturizers and beauty products from different brands, which hawker stall serves better food, and the list goes on and on and on. We always have to find something to compare. We want to find a standard, and compare everything else to it. When it comes to people, our habit takes over and we simply have to compare them to someone, anyone. When there is an older sibling, a younger sibling, a twin or a friend, we begin to make comparisons and criticisms. And we can't stop.

Comparison breeds a lot of ill feelings. That's not to say that comparison is evil; I think it is necessary for improvement. But comparing a person with another person who is essentially different hardly yields positive results, not even if you're comparing, say, a girl with her older sister. Siblings can share the same blood, and twins can share the same face, but at the end of the day, we are different beings. That applies to each and every one of us.

How do we come to terms with getting compared? Saying "she is who she is, and I am who I am" hardly changes things. For me, I came to terms with the situation. I knew my sister was excellent; at the same time, I knew I wasn't doing terribly at my studies. Instead of paying attention to other people's comparisons (and believe me, that is HARD), I paid attention to my own comparisons. I compared my current results to my previous results, and then it became easier when I saw that I was improving at my own pace. 

It becomes easier when other people aren't comparing you, because in a comparison someone always has to be the inferior one.

Another important thing is how to deal with those ill feelings. I think ill feelings are always going to be there; but instead of letting it become an elephant in the room, I believe facing and admitting their existence can lead to more comfortable thoughts. Knowing and understanding that it's alright to be jealous may even lead you to contemplate ways to become less emotionally-orientated, which can improve performance and judgement. (Because as some of us have experienced before, sibling jealousy can lead you to argue with your sibling on every single exam answer, even if your answer is plain wrong.)

I am also fortunate, in my situation, that my sister and I eventually developed different interests and were not compared for it. It definitely made things easier for both of us, as others no longer prodded us on why we didn't want to study the same things. Actions played a role; I loved to collect articles on wines and chocolates and food, while my sister was fascinated by nanotechnology and its multitude of contributions. It was obvious to anyone who knew us well that we weren't going to choose the same path in life.

But for those siblings who do get compared for what they choose to do, my best piece of advice is to remain patient and respect other people's opinions. They can say what they want, but we can choose what advice we want to apply in our lives. If you don't want to get compared - which is close to Mission Impossible - use your actions to show that you are different. Or, if you've got the courage, just tell them very nicely that you would prefer them not to compare you to your sibling. 

Most importantly, face it head on. Running away can never solve a problem -  unless you happen to be running away from a natural disaster or danger. At least, when you admit that there are comparisons and some rivalry involved, you'll find ways to reduce the comparisons and keep the rivalry healthy and beneficial for both siblings.

Because, at the end of the day, you're still family, right?

Book Review #5: Thirteen Reasons Why

What would you do if you awoke one day to find a shoebox full of tapes at your doorstep? Let's make that more specific. A box of tapes, sent by a person who had committed suicide some time ago.

I would drop the box and scream. But Clay Jensen did not do that. He took the box inside, popped a tape into his old stereo and listened. To a voice that could never be heard again.

That's when he realizes that he is named as one of the reasons Hannah Baker committed suicide.

That's when it gets freaky. But not in the kind of horror-book-way. Freaky, because you hear all the inner thoughts of a person who gradually considers suicide her only option.

The book, aptly titled Thirteen Reasons Why, is about the thirteen reasons - people - Hannah Baker took her own life. Every single action and person plays a small but key role in development of the story. Hannah's voice is interlaced with Clay's thoughts and actions; in some ways, Clay's actions foreshadows the upcoming revelations made by Hannah in her recordings.

Before I read this book, I checked out the reviews to determine if it was worth adding to my little collection. The reviews were mixed, mainly because it was centred on suicide. Suicide is a sensitive (?) topic; no one seems to know the general reason behind it, and those who have contemplated it before can't agree on a general reason.

I'm going to judge this from two angles - literary and personal.

From a literary angle, I respect Jay Asher's ability to work his creative license. Writing in the voice of a teenage girl - and one who is on the verge of suicide - is hard. Like a lot of people, Hannah Baker also has two sides. Having two sides is not a bad thing - as long as your second side is not an evil-doer. It just shows that you can't be who you want to be wherever you are, and this is something many people face in their lives. It was fresh to see this being pointed out through the discrepancy between Hannah's thoughts and actions. What I liked best, though, was the ending. I won't diverge any spoilers here - but suffice to say it has something to do with Clay Jensen. Had that part not been added into the story, I would've been compelled to judge it from a purely personal angle.

Though I agree with some critics that it was well-written, personally, I didn't fall head-over-heels for this book. Despite finding Hannah Baker a believable character and sympathizing with her, I find her motives bordering on attention-seeking. I am in no position to criticize anyone who contemplates suicide (even if it is fictional); however, I feel that some parts may have been slightly dramaticized to keep the story going, and that takes away from the freshness of the main idea.

But I must give credit to Jay Asher where it is due; especially when he brings up the idea - albeit subtly - that we want attention from those who won't give it to us, even if they are the very ones who have made our lives a big miserable mess. Why do we do that? Is it some inborn instinct to seek approval from anyone and everyone? Why is it, then, that those who have already approved us can never give us the satisfaction we seek?

I don't know why, but Thirteen Reasons Why has certainly got me reassessing my priorities in life.