So this is my half-confession (?), a little memoir concluding everything that has happened in my 17 years thus far. Maybe I should write one confession every 17 years or something.
The year 2012 has been a wake-up call for me. So many tears, laughter, friends, experiences... it's hard to put them all down in words. It's been an enriching journey.
There were a lot of firsts for me this year. Some were great, some were mediocre, and some looked a bit bad. But overall, I'd say they were necessary for me to become a wiser and better person.
As a child, I almost always got what I wanted. Luckily, I didn't turn out to be a spoilt brat, but I have to say, it more or less caused me to take a lot of things for granted. At some point, I believe it made me kind of arrogant.
I never really failed to convert opportunities into successes, so perhaps, everything was easy for me. But during these 17 years, I believe I've been put on a mission to re-discover myself and my true priorities.
This year, I suffered my first loss in a competition I would "normally" win in. I was upset at first, I thought I did well. But after some time, I took some time to really ponder upon it and realized I really wasn't that good after all. I was taking it for granted, and that took a toll on my performance.
That was my first loss, but it was also my first gain. It taught me never to take things for granted, and that to accept defeat graciously was a learning experience in itself.
This year, I also had a first experience in working. And I am telling you - it ain't so easy after all.
Working for Stuff@School was both an awesome and frightening experience. It taught me many things, including writing, time management, photography and even interview skills. Learning how to communicate with other people was also part of the package. I forced myself to be more pro-active, and I haven't regretted that decision ever since.
In our group, it resembled a mini society. There were several times when some form of chaos would break out in the group, but then thanks to the help of the members, it was always subdued. Of course, it would be lying if I said everyone went back to normal. A lot of us changed, but for better or for worse, only the future can tell. All I can say is that even getting along with the group is a learning experience like no other.
Getting to see your name in the newspaper is really satisfying. I've had the privilege of seeing it a few times, so I consider myself lucky. I also thank Stuff@school for choosing my articles as there were many others who were brilliant. And I didn't get the internship, but hey, it felt good being an ambassador for an entire year (and getting mail!).
2012 was also a big year for our school's debate team. We finally made it to the national rounds. It opened our eyes to many things, and I guess it's safe to say that we came back as very contented and much wiser students. We met many people and broadened our thinking skills into other dimensions. Perhaps it wasn't much, but it definitely played a role in sharpening our minds.
Debate has always been an important part of my high school life since I was in Form 3. If I were to measure the amount of tears my team and I shed over this matter, it could probably cause floods. But then, there were all those silly and humorous times to make up for it.
I distinctly remember this year's newly-invented routine - sleeping in shifts. We would sleep for alternate hours while taking turns preparing our scripts and scouring for information. To do so, we even moved my mattresses so we could all stay in the same room. A lot of unforgettable memories were created during our times together, and they will always remain as the glorious chapters in my life.
Being part of a team is a bond that cannot be broken easily. I am thankful for having Yee Teang, Zhi Ying and Jesline as my teammates. They were there to share my joy and sadness. Without them, I would never have been able to make it to this day.
I always broke out of the box by joining the Anchor Idol competition. I never really joined competitions outside of school. This year though, I was determined to make it happen.
The whole process was refreshing and exhilarating. I'd never really understood the work behind news broadcasting before, so I learnt as much as I could. Did I do my best at the finals? I believe I did, but after more practice and confidence, perhaps, I could do better. I'm happy for all the participants, because regardless of win or loss, we came out of this as stronger, more eloquent people.
I've read a lot these few years. But I find my genre of choice slowly slipping away from fantasy to historical fiction. Reading books like A Thousand Splendid Suns, Pearl of China, The Last Empress, In My Father's House etc helped me to understand how the world around me was changing. All this while, I've been living life as an idle person, not really knowing how society was changing and what problems we were really facing. I may not understand it fully, but at least now, I'm aware of it.
Since April, I've also stopped eating the fried food in my school canteen. I still take the occasional fry, but I don't buy packets of it to eat anymore. Even though I still fell sick for some time after that, I feel healthier and brighter. Oh, and there's less skin problems for me as well, so hurray!
Almost 17 years of my life have passed, and I'm glad it hasn't gone wasted. I'm happier, more mature, and surrounded by a loving family, not to mention awesome friends. I have a great circle of buddies at school, and caring friends outside of school as well.
To all my friends, thank you for being there with me and for me even though I can be snappy or moody at times. Thank you for sharing my joy and interests, and for giving me the comfort and courage I need in life (even if it is to act crazy at times). I've shared memories with you guys that I'll never forget.
To anyone and everyone who has been in my life before, thank you for making my life an exciting one. I'm already looking forward to 17 years later. Cheers!
Pic above: 17-year-old "nerd" who's still busy finding her calling in life, but still spares some time to enjoy every moment along the way :)
Phew, this is one looooooong post.
