Book Review #1: Until I Say Good-bye

The first book I read that was written by a terminally-ill patient was The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, (I assume so because all the other authors whose books I've read have mentioned nothing about their health whatsoever) and I cannot, for the life of me, remember when I read it, or what was in it. So when I picked up Until I Say Good-bye as a birthday present for myself, I started with next to nil expectations of its content.

This book is written by court crime journalist Susan Spencer-Wendel, who has received a lifetime achievement award for her work. So I can assure you that the language used is simple, straightforward and beautiful. As for the content, I certainly was not disappointed.

The story begins with Susan and her family at Discovery Cove, Orlando. They took a three-hour drive from their home in West Palm Beach, Florida to give Susan's youngest son, Wesley a birthday treat. But as Susan puts it, this is not only a present to her youngest son; it is also a present to herself.

Susan was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) - more commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease - in June 2011. It is a progressive and irreversible disease that destroys the motor neurones responsible for voluntary movement. In other words, the neurones die, rendering the patient unable to move his or her muscles. It affects everything from walking, to holding a phone and even eating (because our digestive tract is composed of muscles as well).

It started out as a "withering" left hand - first losing grip, then strength and eventually hope that she was not afflicted with ALS. It took a year for her to finally accept and be properly diagnosed. As Susan herself admits, she was living in denial. She simple could not confirm for a fact that she had an incurable disease that would eventually take her away from her loved ones.

And so begins a journey where Susan gradually embraces the truth and embarks on a journey to uncover her past and leave behind beautiful memories for the people she holds dear.

It is somewhat akin to a memoir; but what makes it stand out are the emotions that flow between her words. The memoir is not crafted to sound like a person who is impossibly optimistic in the face of death; it expresses her vulnerabilities, her joys, her regrets and her gratitude with amazing clarity.

I personally love books that are honestly written. Honest, as in something that is not glorified for the purpose of sounding better. Something that could actually happen in real life. Something that is happening right now, to someone somewhere around the globe.

And so I appreciate how Susan is frank about her condition. How, once-in-a-while, she thinks about this disease and feels sad. She doesn't force herself to be happy all the time for the sake of optimism. Disease did not take away from her the feelings that all humans share - embarrassment, frustration, fear. It did not take away her identity.

Though the book chronicles Susan's journeys, I believe it teaches a greater lesson to each and every reader - that in the face of despair, accepting your sadness and frustration is as important as moving on.

That happy memories should and will continue to live on long after the physical presence is no longer there.

And above all, that willpower is the stage for all miracles to happen.