Life Lesson #18: My First Confession

There's less than a month till my 17th birthday. And somehow, I think I'll wake up a different person after that day. So much has happened over these years (especially THIS YEAR), that I might think it was a dream if I woke up as the same person I was before.

So this is my half-confession (?), a little memoir concluding everything that has happened in my 17 years thus far. Maybe I should write one confession every 17 years or something.

The year 2012 has been a wake-up call for me. So many tears, laughter, friends, experiences... it's hard to put them all down in words. It's been an enriching journey.

There were a lot of firsts for me this year. Some were great, some were mediocre, and some looked a bit bad. But overall, I'd say they were necessary for me to become a wiser and better person.

As a child, I almost always got what I wanted. Luckily, I didn't turn out to be a spoilt brat, but I have to say, it more or less caused me to take a lot of things for granted. At some point, I believe it made me kind of arrogant.

I never really failed to convert opportunities into successes, so perhaps, everything was easy for me. But during these 17 years, I believe I've been put on a mission to re-discover myself and my true priorities.

This year, I suffered my first loss in a competition I would "normally" win in. I was upset at first, I thought I did well. But after some time, I took some time to really ponder upon it and realized I really wasn't that good after all. I was taking it for granted, and that took a toll on my performance.

That was my first loss, but it was also my first gain. It taught me never to take things for granted, and that to accept defeat graciously was a learning experience in itself.

This year, I also had a first experience in working. And I am telling you - it ain't so easy after all.

Working for Stuff@School was both an awesome and frightening experience. It taught me many things, including writing, time management, photography and even interview skills. Learning how to communicate with other people was also part of the package. I forced myself to be more pro-active, and I haven't regretted that decision ever since.

In our group, it resembled a mini society. There were several times when some form of chaos would break out in the group, but then thanks to the help of the members, it was always subdued. Of course, it would be lying if I said everyone went back to normal. A lot of us changed, but for better or for worse, only the future can tell. All I can say is that even getting along with the group is a learning experience like no other.

Getting to see your name in the newspaper is really satisfying. I've had the privilege of seeing it a few times, so I consider myself lucky. I also thank Stuff@school for choosing my articles as there were many others who were brilliant. And I didn't get the internship, but hey, it felt good being an ambassador for an entire year (and getting mail!).

2012 was also a big year for our school's debate team. We finally made it to the national rounds. It opened our eyes to many things, and I guess it's safe to say that we came back as very contented and much wiser students. We met many people and broadened our thinking skills into other dimensions. Perhaps it wasn't much, but it definitely played a role in sharpening our minds.

Debate has always been an important part of my high school life since I was in Form 3. If I were to measure the amount of tears my team and I shed over this matter, it could probably cause floods. But then, there were all those silly and humorous times to make up for it.

I distinctly remember this year's newly-invented routine - sleeping in shifts. We would sleep for alternate hours while taking turns preparing our scripts and scouring for information. To do so, we even moved my mattresses so we could all stay in the same room. A lot of unforgettable memories were created during our times together, and they will always remain as the glorious chapters in my life.

Being part of a team is a bond that cannot be broken easily. I am thankful for having Yee Teang, Zhi Ying and Jesline as my teammates. They were there to share my joy and sadness. Without them, I would never have been able to make it to this day.

I always broke out of the box by joining the Anchor Idol competition. I never really joined competitions outside of school. This year though, I was determined to make it happen.

The whole process was refreshing and exhilarating. I'd never really understood the work behind news broadcasting before, so I learnt as much as I could. Did I do my best at the finals? I believe I did, but after more practice and confidence, perhaps, I could do better. I'm happy for all the participants, because regardless of win or loss, we came out of this as stronger, more eloquent people.

I've read a lot these few years. But I find my genre of choice slowly slipping away from fantasy to historical fiction. Reading books like A Thousand Splendid Suns, Pearl of China, The Last Empress, In My Father's House etc helped me to understand how the world around me was changing. All this while, I've been living life as an idle person, not really knowing how society was changing and what problems we were really facing. I may not understand it fully, but at least now, I'm aware of it.

Since April, I've also stopped eating the fried food in my school canteen. I still take the occasional fry, but I don't buy packets of it to eat anymore. Even though I still fell sick for some time after that, I feel healthier and brighter. Oh, and there's less skin problems for me as well, so hurray!

Almost 17 years of my life have passed, and I'm glad it hasn't gone wasted. I'm happier, more mature, and surrounded by a loving family, not to mention awesome friends. I have a great circle of buddies at school, and caring friends outside of school as well.

To all my friends, thank you for being there with me and for me even though I can be snappy or moody at times. Thank you for sharing my joy and interests, and for giving me the comfort and courage I need in life (even if it is to act crazy at times). I've shared memories with you guys that I'll never forget.

To anyone and everyone who has been in my life before, thank you for making my life an exciting one. I'm already looking forward to 17 years later. Cheers!

Pic above: 17-year-old "nerd" who's still busy finding her calling in life, but still spares some time to enjoy every moment along the way :)

Phew, this is one looooooong post.

Life Lesson #17: Age matters (sadly)

I was at the hawkers' this morning having breakfast. After ordering, I sat down and waited patiently for my food.

The problem was, I'd already downed half my cup of iced Milo, and there still wasn't a single bowl of curry mee (which I ordered) in sight.

I thought maybe the guy forgot my order. So I went back to the stall, and reminded him again. He repeated my order precisely, so I assumed that perhaps there was a lot of business.

It was when both my mum and my sister finished their meals that I'd been waiting for a long time.

At first, I didn't want to go to the stall a third time as I felt it would seem impatient and fickle of me. In the end, my mum went to the stall to speak to the owner, and only then did I manage to get my bowl of noodles (which I took to my table).

These kind of things have happened in my life before. And as teens, we all probably know why.

Age matters.

Teens often get overlooked due to the age factor. It is no wonder, then, that many teens crave for the attention and the respect they feel they deserve.

I almost lost it today. Luckily, I used every last bit of self-control to prevent myself from 'scolding' the hawker.

Teens deserve equal rights; even if it's just a bowl of curry mee.

Of course, before all that can be done, we teens also need to show how we deserve respect.

Respect is a two-way thing; everyone deserves it.

Age matters. But only you can decide whether it is fact or fiction.

Life Lesson #16: What are we reading??

A few weeks ago, something appeared on my desk - that wasn't mine, obviously - which almost gave my friend quote "a cardiac arrest".

We'd been using a different class that day, so I hadn't actually been back to our original class. My friend, who decided to drop by, walked past my desk and was shocked out of breath. (at least, that's what I think happened)

The first thing she said when she saw me? "Do you know what was on your desk? Fifty Shades of Grey!"

I was equally shocked. And for several reasons.

p.s. For those of you who do not know what Fifty Shades of Grey is, it's an erotica book which is TOTALLY UNSUITABLE for teenagers.

1. What is that book doing on my desk? I wouldn't even touch that book in a bookstore.

2. What if people thought that book was mine? What if they assumed that I read books like that? *puke inwardly* (yes, I care about my image. A lot.)

3. Why read a book like that? And why bring it to school?

Undoubtedly, that book took a lot of courage to write and to publish. But it certainly isn't one that should be read by all age groups. Reading should be done consistently, but it certainly shouldn't be done with every type of book there is out there.


Reading is not graded by quantity, but rather, by quality.

Fifty Shades of Grey may have been written to send out a message to society; but at the present point, it's still not fit for teenage reading material.

R.AGE Open Mic Competition

This is the first time my sister, Jesline and I, have finally mustered the courage to participate in a singing competition.

This is our first video cover of Drops of Jupiter (it's much shorter than the original, due to the time limit).

Hope you guys can have a look at it and support us! :)

Life Lesson #15: Forgive and Forget?

Forgiving and forgetting are almost always associated together. It's a reminder to all of us not to hold grudges against other people, to leave our past behind, to move on.

Somehow, I find this piece of advice not as practical as it sounds.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not denying the truth in this saying, nor am I doubting the benefits that forgiving and forgetting can bring us. However, it is really difficult for me to believe that it really is as simple as that.

People forgive, people get over things, but does that mean they've forgotten? Not quite.

When we trip and injure ourselves, we apply ointment. We undergo the healing process, which is slow and painful, but well-worth it when we the scar is barely visible. Some scars don't fade at all.

Even if they do, does it mean that we've forgotten how the injury felt, how it all happened?

When friends say hurtful things unintentionally, they apologize afterwards and we all laugh it off. But the damage is done. No matter how much we want to pretend to be human ostriches, the truth is glaringly obvious. Of course, it may not affect the friendship, but in the long run, it is a mark in our hearts.

An experience with a less-than-pleasant ending may be forgiven and walked past; but when the process repeats itself, who are we to criticize those who hesitate in front of the mirrors of their past?

It's easier said than done. Everyone's got an experience they don't want to relive; so do I.

When we stand before the door of a past experience, do we walk in without hesitation? Do we pause in trepidation? Do we turn back on our heels and flee?

Honestly, I don't know. But I know enough from my past to prevent the mistakes of my future.

I know for a fact that I have chosen to open that door again. But hey, it's a different me, a different outlook and a different approach.

So let's cross our fingers and wish ourselves the best, that we may unravel the knots of our past, and finally move on. 

Scars may remain forever in our hearts; but they can be good ones that don't inflict any harm.

Life Lesson #14: I'm at A Thousand Views! Yippee!

I never thought this day would come.

I can be very determined when I want something really badly. But other times, I can be extremely half-hearted.

This isn't my first blog. I used to have another blog, on which I posted a short story. That was my first and last post.

Later on, when I had the intention to continue blogging, I realized I had forgotten the password. *groans*

So I started this blog with a bigger dream. I was going to make sure this was a life-long (okay, maybe teen-long) project.

But then I needed a theme for a blog. If there was no theme, there was no motivation to continue writing. I came up with the idea of "Why Life is Sometimes Awesome" after reading Neil Pasricha's "The Book of Awesome". And yes, the book is as awesome as its title.

Life Lessons came up after being inspired by a spilled bowl of noodles. I think that was really a big turning point for me in my writing journey.

There's still a long way to go, and I'm sure 1000 views is just a stone's throw on the never-ending road of "bloggery".

But for now, 1000 views is really an achievement for me. Anyone for the 2000 mark?

I'll take my blog 1 view at a time; I'll live life 1 day at a time.

Only effort brings achievement. But sometimes, it feels as if it is too hard to push on.

When you come to such a point in life, "giving up" cannot appear in your dictionary.

If it's too hard to live life 1 day at a time, live life ( fill as appropriate ) at a time.

Determine your life rhythm, and you can be the master of your life.

Another piece of good news *drumroll please* I've been featured in the Perspectives Blog for young Malaysians to voice their thoughts! *squeals*

http://www.pemandu.gov.my/gtp/perspectives/Vivien_Tang.html

p.s. Forgive the sudden outburst of girliness. I am, ahem, a girl after all :)

Life Lesson #13: Satisfaction

Satisfaction is a very subjective feeling. Everyone has a different perception of it, some of which may seem common, while some may seem anomalous.

For me, satisfaction comes from achievement.

Most achievements give me satisfaction, but there are different stages.

Needless to say, winning gives everyone a sense of satisfaction. It comes from knowing that our hard work has been appreciated and duly awarded. 

The most lasting satisfaction for me is a smile.

This morning, whilst washing my hands at a basin, I saw a grandmother and with her granddaughter. They were using the basin next to me.

The granddaughter was very young, and she hadn't grown tall enough to reach the basin even on her tiptoes. Her grandmother lifted her up with one arm and tried to turn on the tap with the other.

Most taps in public washrooms operate on the "push and release" mechanism - after one push, water flows out for a while and then stops. For most of us, it's still convenient to "push" the tap a few more times to clean our hands properly. But it was more difficult for the grandmother.

With one arm lifting her granddaughter, she struggled to gain her balance. Before she "pushed" the tap a second time, I reached my hand over and kept the tap flowing. There was a soft "thank you" from the grandmother, who regained her breath.

Before the grandmother left, she told her granddaughter to wave goodbye. I didn't expect much, as I'd often find myself waving or smiling at toddlers who returned blank stares.

So when the little girl lifted her hand and waved (and mouthed a 'bye-bye'), it brought a smile to my face as I did the same. That smile stayed in my heart for the entire day.

It was the satisfaction of knowing I'd helped someone that put the smile on my face.

We are taught to be helpful at a young age, but when competition gets in the way, help flies out the window.

Sometimes, we're busy. Other times, we feel awkward to lend a helping hand.

But most times, you'll feel rewarded when you perform a simple gesture of kindness.

People complain that our society is lacking in moral values - so they should do something about it.

A little help goes a long way; when you make it an aim to help a person each day, you're helping to create a better society. 

That, is what satisfaction is.