Book Review #6: The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

How justifiable is it to place the importance of science above conscience and humanity? Honestly, I don't know.

But Rebecca Skloot did a fine job in challenging me to ponder this issue - along with many others - by provoking the mind with a piece that is horrifyingly descriptive in some parts and emotionally complex in others. It forces you to look at the issues that no one wants to talk about - medical ethics, the appropriateness of taking human cells for research purposes, patents and profits and everything in between.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks presents a central irony - Henrietta Lacks' cells raked in millions of dollars for the companies who made use of them, but her family remains in the dark about all this and is living in poverty. You almost balk at how - forgive the language - "ignorant" some researchers are of the Lacks' suffering and their quickness to assume the Lacks' consent, understanding and pride in the issue.

When you think about it though, without HeLa cells, or other cell lines, we wouldn't have the abundance of medicine and vaccines to save countless lives today. If Henrietta Lacks had refused to give doctors control over her cells, lots more people would still be dying from polio today. It's a delicate situation that lacks an appropriate balance.

Perhaps the more pressing issue at hand is consent. She didn't know, and therefore had no power to say 'NO'. Even if she'd meant to contribute her cells to science, having the right to reconsider or refuse was the basic respect she deserved - the respect anyone today would have deserved. Not knowing what was going on - that was the spark that started the medical ethics wave.

I don't want to give too many spoilers here (though I suspect I might already have given a bit), so I'll leave the rest to your imagination. I personally believe it's a must-read for anyone involved in future medicine, and I highly recommend it for anyone who has used any form of medication, regardless of its research roots.

Henrietta Lacks' cells may not have given rise to all the medicine in the world today, but some place, some time ago, there were people just like her, who unknowingly - or knowingly - made our world a better place today.

Life Lesson #31: Greed

A week ago (or two) I met up with a friend at a cafe. We talked a bit about university, about life, and then inevitably the topic revolved around books. We had both read the same book - Thirteen Reasons Why - but weren't equally pleased with how the book turned out. He had his reasons; I had mine.

For those who haven't read Thirteen Reasons Why, I'll try my best not to spoil it for you. It wasn't my favourite, but the author (in my opinion) managed to highlight something that had been in our lives for too long - greed.

This greed of wanting to please the people who will never reciprocate our feelings the way we want them to - it's contagious, hurtful, but painfully true. This was exactly what happened to Hannah in the story (very minor spoiler, but at least details aren't provided).

There are many more of these Hannahs in the world - some waiting anxiously for a nonchalant Facebook reply, some sitting on desks fidgeting because there's no ping! on the cell, some running out of topics to say when faced with the very people they want so desperately to please. A couple of weeks before that was exactly who I was.

Now when I look back I wonder how I endured all that standing-on-pins-and-needles kind of nervousness, worrying about saying the wrong things, glancing at my phone ALL the time, wondering why there was a read but no reply, basically doing all the things I shouldn't be focusing my energy on. That entire time was mentally and emotionally exhausting. 

Luckily, after a deep heart-to-heart talk with my best friends, I finally allowed the painful reality to sink in. This was as far as it was going to get, and I would not permit myself to committing so much of my time and energy into a situation where I could not sense the sincerity I wanted in a meaningful friendship. 

I don't know how many people seek the same sincerity that I do in a friendship - just the simple knowledge that a person wants to be friends with you because he/she wants to be friends with you. No strings attached, no favours needed, just a commitment of true feelings and trust from both parties. This is the type of friendship I want to cultivate - a friendship where I can be who I am without worrying about whether my next topic of conversation is going to deplete someone's interest.

This post was and will never be intended to smear anyone's good name - but it is a reminder that it's high-time we spent more time on those who have always supported us.

After all, sincerity is a two-way thing - much like love. 

 

Happy Father's Day!

Today is Father’s Day.

What makes this year’s Father’s Day so different from others, is the impending fact that this is the last Father’s Day my sister and I will celebrate for our dad before leaving for university. What also makes it different, is the fact that my sister and I actually miscounted the date (yes, we’re talking about you, June 1^st), but luckily we have back-up plans in the pocket.

Time flies so quickly. In the blink of an eye, eighteen Father’s Days have passed. Eighteen times of buying gifts (maybe not fully eighteen, because I highly doubt we were capable of choosing gifts when we were mere toddlers), preparing cards and ordering cakes. This year is a little bit different.

This year, I am writing a tribute.

My dad is an ordinary dad. He works hard at the office, comes home, watches TV with the rest of the family and on weekends, we go out for breakfast and usually spend the rest of the day at home, watching Korean entertainment shows, changing the water in the fish tanks or playing mahjong.

My dad is a fun dad. He is a dad who sits down and suggests us to make our own amateur predictions about the World Cup. He teaches us interesting card tricks and when we’re watching a Korean singing show, we make guesses on who wins and who doesn’t.

My dad is a supportive dad. He always makes it a point to come to my competitions (even if he doesn’t quite understand what we’re debating about), and is always ready to give us a high-5 when we get off the stage. He looks at our scripts and supports our school events as best he can.

My dad taught me to be a generous and charitable person. Be it donating to a good cause or taking part in one, he used his own actions to show us how to contribute (in our own ways) to society. It is because of him that my sister and I have developed our own opinion of money – that it isn’t the most important thing in life, but that it can be used wisely to help others.

My dad is at times, a strict dad. Like my mum, he is concerned about our education and our social life. While I used to think that the relatively stricter bringing up took a toll on my social skills, now I appreciate that they had been strict with us, as it has taught us to be careful and to be wise in all our actions.

I know that my dad does all these things because he loves our family. But having been brought up in a more Asian home, none of us are very good at expressing our thoughts and emotions. For my sister and I perhaps, it is much easier to use written words.

Happy Father’s Day!!!! And we love you!!!! JJJ

Before I Go to College

In less than two months time, I will be leaving the place I have called home for so many years to study in a place that will play a role in determining my future. I didn't think this day would come so quickly; even after graduating from high school, I didn't find myself counting down the days to when I would live in a foreign country, on my own, for the first time in my life.

And for the first time in my life, I was scared. This fear of living somewhere unfamiliar without my comfortable bed was magnified after spending a brief week staying in my future college. Of course I was excited; but more than that, I was frightened, nervous, lonely. I missed my family, my sister and the friends I would not see for a long time after going to college.

That is why - albeit being a little late - I've paid more attention to my friends' behaviours, their unique fetishes, their likes and dislikes, and most importantly the things they do that remind me all the time of why I befriended them and why I will always be friends with them for decades to come.

Before I go to college, I take with me a little piece of each and every one of my closest and good friends - things I want to learn from them and carry with me wherever I go in this adventure we call life.

My best friend and confidante is my twin sister Jesline. I will most definitely not be where I am today without her help, her competition, her patient listening and her encouragement. She has an iron will, is generous and has this blur innocence that is rare in today's world. Her love of learning very much influenced my own love for random facts and knowledge, and I admire her for her ability to not over-think things. There are many more lessons I have learnt from her, but above all I am thankful simply for the fact that she was, is and will be my sister forever.

After Jesline, I have two special circles of friends - I'll call them an English-speaking group and a Chinese-speaking group. In the former there are seven people including me and Jes; in the latter there are four. These two groups are very important and precious to me, for sharing with me some of the most memorable experiences in my eighteen years of life thus far. But outside of these circles, I have also met some of the sweetest people, who are equally important to me in my life.

Before I go to college, I want to learn from Chooi Yin her (occasional) craziness and bubbly attitude.

From Tania, her initiative to keep herself well-informed and (though she may not want to admit it) her motherly talents.

Nicole's social skills are - to me - an important lesson to ace and remember.

Ying and her surprisingly sweet way of looking out for her juniors.

Qin, I am always impressed with how easily you can adapt to new environments and quickly make friends.

From Teang, her independence, charisma, and seemingly bottomless creativity.

I greatly commend Zhi Ying's patience, willingness to listen and detailed thoughtfulness.

To my "brother" in Japan, Kelven, I've always admired your maturity and caring attitude, and I'm glad to be your "sis".

A special shout-out to Tim - whom I have not talked to for a looooooong time but have never forgotten - I always appreciate your advice and your patience.

From my piano teacher, Teacher Rachel, her kindness, her strength in her faith and her dedication and passion.

I want to learn from my junior, Seow Wen, her way of showing appreciation.

Dear Roi, let's not ever forget our love for the oldies and the unconventional.

To everyone else whose name was not specifically pointed out on this list, thank you for appearing in my life and being a part of my ongoing adventure. Without you all, my life would not be half as interesting as it is today.

And this is why before I go to college, I break my usual convention of not saying anything gooey or emotional to thank and tell my friends how much I appreciate them and how special they are and always will be to me.

I love you guys! <3 <3 <3

Book Review #5: Have A Little Faith

After reading For One More Day by Mitch Albom, I couldn't wait to get started on Have A Little Faith. I was especially excited, because this was based largely on a true story. Mitch Albom did not disappoint with this book. In fact, towards the end of the book, I cried because I could feel all the emotions seeping out between each and every word. That pretty much describes how beautifully-written the book was. I appreciate how the book strengthens the idea that all religions are uniquely different but should co-exist harmoniously together. For example, when the Reb walks arm in arm with a Catholic priest. He uses actions to show that two people of different beliefs can and should get along with each other - because at the end of the day, all religions and all faiths teach us to do good. The book also serves up some simple yet profound life lessons that are buried and long forgotten in our busy lifestyles. "Nothing haunts like the things we don't say" - this was my favourite phrase in the book. I also liked the part where Albom and the Reb talked about wars related to religion. (but I won't diverge further spoilers here) All-in-all, this is a highly-recommended book for people of all religions. It packs a neat bunch of lessons that will stay with you no matter where you place your faith.

Life Lesson #30: Sibling Rivalry

Whenever people ask my twin sister and I about our sibling rivalry, we always tell people that we do have a bit of rivalry, but it's definitely healthy competition and we help each other out along the way. In fact, I think we've answered this question so many times there could an answer script subconsciously embedded into our heads by now.

Our answer hits very close to home; it's not just a diplomatic answer scripted perfectly for reporter interviews. It's true that we compete against each other; it is also true that we give each other tips and help one another out. But one thing that I haven't had the courage to divulge up until now is that yes, jealousy is something that is not lacking in our sibling rivalry.

I don't know how my sister feels about this, so it would be unfair to say that this was our joint opinion. I myself, however, do experience little stabs of jealousy (and at times, disappointment) when I don't do as well, or when I get compared to my sister on every aspect; and by that, I mean literally EVERY aspect. 

Not all twins end up doing the same thing; but in our case, yes, we ended up doing many of the same things. We both did debate, both loved to read and write, both chose the science stream in high school, and played the same musical instruments. We even joined the same competitions and the same societies. If that was not ample room to compare the both of us, I don't know what is.

When I was younger, I let my jealousy grow bit by bit. Though it never came close to the point that I got frustrated with my sister, there were times when I wished we did different things so the comparison wouldn't be so obvious. My sister is an excellent student; being compared to her is tough business.

I'm fortunate, though, that my efforts did pay off and I eventually came to terms with the whole comparing game. But I see a lot of people around me who get compared to their siblings even when they excel in different fields. They are expected to equal, do better than their siblings, or even follow in their siblings' footsteps in the future. Stress levels multiply, frustration grows and both siblings tend to drift apart because of the endless comparisons.

We people love to compare things. We compare prices at supermarkets, toners and moisturizers and beauty products from different brands, which hawker stall serves better food, and the list goes on and on and on. We always have to find something to compare. We want to find a standard, and compare everything else to it. When it comes to people, our habit takes over and we simply have to compare them to someone, anyone. When there is an older sibling, a younger sibling, a twin or a friend, we begin to make comparisons and criticisms. And we can't stop.

Comparison breeds a lot of ill feelings. That's not to say that comparison is evil; I think it is necessary for improvement. But comparing a person with another person who is essentially different hardly yields positive results, not even if you're comparing, say, a girl with her older sister. Siblings can share the same blood, and twins can share the same face, but at the end of the day, we are different beings. That applies to each and every one of us.

How do we come to terms with getting compared? Saying "she is who she is, and I am who I am" hardly changes things. For me, I came to terms with the situation. I knew my sister was excellent; at the same time, I knew I wasn't doing terribly at my studies. Instead of paying attention to other people's comparisons (and believe me, that is HARD), I paid attention to my own comparisons. I compared my current results to my previous results, and then it became easier when I saw that I was improving at my own pace. 

It becomes easier when other people aren't comparing you, because in a comparison someone always has to be the inferior one.

Another important thing is how to deal with those ill feelings. I think ill feelings are always going to be there; but instead of letting it become an elephant in the room, I believe facing and admitting their existence can lead to more comfortable thoughts. Knowing and understanding that it's alright to be jealous may even lead you to contemplate ways to become less emotionally-orientated, which can improve performance and judgement. (Because as some of us have experienced before, sibling jealousy can lead you to argue with your sibling on every single exam answer, even if your answer is plain wrong.)

I am also fortunate, in my situation, that my sister and I eventually developed different interests and were not compared for it. It definitely made things easier for both of us, as others no longer prodded us on why we didn't want to study the same things. Actions played a role; I loved to collect articles on wines and chocolates and food, while my sister was fascinated by nanotechnology and its multitude of contributions. It was obvious to anyone who knew us well that we weren't going to choose the same path in life.

But for those siblings who do get compared for what they choose to do, my best piece of advice is to remain patient and respect other people's opinions. They can say what they want, but we can choose what advice we want to apply in our lives. If you don't want to get compared - which is close to Mission Impossible - use your actions to show that you are different. Or, if you've got the courage, just tell them very nicely that you would prefer them not to compare you to your sibling. 

Most importantly, face it head on. Running away can never solve a problem -  unless you happen to be running away from a natural disaster or danger. At least, when you admit that there are comparisons and some rivalry involved, you'll find ways to reduce the comparisons and keep the rivalry healthy and beneficial for both siblings.

Because, at the end of the day, you're still family, right?

Book Review #5: Thirteen Reasons Why

What would you do if you awoke one day to find a shoebox full of tapes at your doorstep? Let's make that more specific. A box of tapes, sent by a person who had committed suicide some time ago.

I would drop the box and scream. But Clay Jensen did not do that. He took the box inside, popped a tape into his old stereo and listened. To a voice that could never be heard again.

That's when he realizes that he is named as one of the reasons Hannah Baker committed suicide.

That's when it gets freaky. But not in the kind of horror-book-way. Freaky, because you hear all the inner thoughts of a person who gradually considers suicide her only option.

The book, aptly titled Thirteen Reasons Why, is about the thirteen reasons - people - Hannah Baker took her own life. Every single action and person plays a small but key role in development of the story. Hannah's voice is interlaced with Clay's thoughts and actions; in some ways, Clay's actions foreshadows the upcoming revelations made by Hannah in her recordings.

Before I read this book, I checked out the reviews to determine if it was worth adding to my little collection. The reviews were mixed, mainly because it was centred on suicide. Suicide is a sensitive (?) topic; no one seems to know the general reason behind it, and those who have contemplated it before can't agree on a general reason.

I'm going to judge this from two angles - literary and personal.

From a literary angle, I respect Jay Asher's ability to work his creative license. Writing in the voice of a teenage girl - and one who is on the verge of suicide - is hard. Like a lot of people, Hannah Baker also has two sides. Having two sides is not a bad thing - as long as your second side is not an evil-doer. It just shows that you can't be who you want to be wherever you are, and this is something many people face in their lives. It was fresh to see this being pointed out through the discrepancy between Hannah's thoughts and actions. What I liked best, though, was the ending. I won't diverge any spoilers here - but suffice to say it has something to do with Clay Jensen. Had that part not been added into the story, I would've been compelled to judge it from a purely personal angle.

Though I agree with some critics that it was well-written, personally, I didn't fall head-over-heels for this book. Despite finding Hannah Baker a believable character and sympathizing with her, I find her motives bordering on attention-seeking. I am in no position to criticize anyone who contemplates suicide (even if it is fictional); however, I feel that some parts may have been slightly dramaticized to keep the story going, and that takes away from the freshness of the main idea.

But I must give credit to Jay Asher where it is due; especially when he brings up the idea - albeit subtly - that we want attention from those who won't give it to us, even if they are the very ones who have made our lives a big miserable mess. Why do we do that? Is it some inborn instinct to seek approval from anyone and everyone? Why is it, then, that those who have already approved us can never give us the satisfaction we seek?

I don't know why, but Thirteen Reasons Why has certainly got me reassessing my priorities in life.

Book Review #4: The Track of Sand (Inspector Montalbano series)

I was actually compelled to give this book a 4 1/2 star rating because there were some parts where I couldn't comprehend the situation clearly, but the overall storyline (and Inspector Montalbano's counter-attack) were so brilliant that I had to round it off to a 5.

Magnifique! This is my first try at the Inspector Montalbano series, and I'm already hooked! The Track of Sand is book 12 in the (currently) 13-book series by Andrea Camilleri. Each book covers a mysterious case that is unravelled by the inspector and his colleagues. In this particular book, Montalbano finds a dead horse in front of his seaside home, which marks the start of several disturbing events. He and his colleagues must make sense of the seemingly disconnected clues to solve the case.

The Inspector himself is an interesting character. He is undoubtedly smart, and at times a tad cunning; but when it comes to things that do not involve crime-solving he finds himself in an awkward predicament. Somehow this makes him seem real; he's not the perfect, uptight, no-nonsense type of inspector that is larger than life. Like everyone else, he has a temper and is not free from mistakes.

Camilleri carefully crafts a plot to out the guilty in this book. Every detail is planned out and executed artfully. It makes you applaud the brilliance of Inspector Montalbano; at the same time, it also shows Montalbano's foresight. 

I can't wait to see more of Montalbano in action in the other twelve books. Big Bad Wolf book sale, I'm counting on you! (You're also the only way I can collect ALL remaining 12 books)

Sometimes I wish I'd just stick to the trilogy books. They're so much easier (and WAY more economical) to collect.

Book Review #3: For One More Day

Mitch Albom rocks!

After just one book, I'm won over by his storytelling abilities. I bet a lot of other people were too.

The central theme of For One More Day is a question that has been asked and answered over and over again in perhaps many other books - if you were given one day with a deceased loved one, what would you do?

Chick Benetto - the lead character of this story - is on the verge of committing suicide. Too many things have gone wrong for him, and when he is not invited to his daughter, Maria's wedding, his decision is made.

Drunk-driving, he crashes into a truck, gets thrown out of his vehicle, and miraculously makes it back to his childhood home, where he is greeted by his mother. Who is supposed to be dead.

The story that ensues is a normal tag-along-trip with his mother to her appointments. During each appointment, he pieces together more and more things about his mother that he has never known. More importantly, he gradually understands his mother's misunderstood actions after decades of "not standing up for my mother".

Mitch Albom is a great storyteller. I really liked how he inserted seemingly random "notes" or "entries" from Chick Benetto's "possessions" as the story unfolded. Everything was carefully planned to give us an insight into Chick's life and how he is who he is today. He is capable of expressing deep and realistic emotions through simple actions. I love how these small aspects speak volumes about the characters and their personalities.

Reading this book really forces us to reflect on ourselves. As humans, we seem to have this knack of desiring something or someone we don't have. We also have this knack of taking those around us for granted, simply because they have been there for us one too many times. And then, we only realize our mistakes when it's too late.

For One More Day echoes what many people think to themselves subconsciously or what many people may have gone through themselves. It is just a book, a fictional thought; but its influence is much more than that.

It is a reminder that life is too short for us to take anything for granted.

It is also a reminder that love, truly can keep a person alive in your heart.

Book Review #2: The Street of a Thousand Blossoms

I've always loved to read historical fiction. It seems so easy to lose yourself in the past, to see and imagine yourself living in a period that is foreign yet fresh and exciting.

So it was no surprise when I spotted The Street of a Thousand Blossoms stacked neatly at the Big Bad Wolf Book Sale and automatically dropped one of the books into my shopping "box".

This is my first experience reading Gail Tsukiyama. Previously, I had read Kazuo Ishiguro, Qiu Xiaolong, Adam Johnson and Tan Twan Eng, all of whom - in my opinion - have crafted marvellous works with honest and emotional depictions. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Gail Tsukiyama possessed the enviable ability to produce realistic and emotional descriptions as well.

The book revolves around two brothers, Hiroshi and Kenji Matsumoto, orphans who live with their grandparents. Both brothers cultivate differing interests; the former in sumo wrestling and the latter in making Noh theatre masks. As both brothers grow up and move closer to their respective dreams, they face their own challenges, joys and heartbreaks.

I won't be elaborating too much on the story - for fear of revealing any spoilers - so I would focus on the way the book is written. Right from the start I was mesmerized by Tsukiyama's attention to detail. The descriptions were so realistic I sometimes found myself craving the dishes cooked by Hiroshi's grandmother!

I also appreciated how Tsukiyama managed to put down the thoughts of each character into words. Sometimes a character performs a seemingly insignificant action, but then you realize how these small actions turn out to be the most accurate representations of each character's sentiments and personalities. They are hints to each character's decision and in some ways they play an important role in the overall direction of the story.

While I really enjoyed the first three quarters of the book, I ended this book lacking the kind of satisfaction I had experienced when I first started reading it. The ending, I believe, achieved the kind of effect Tsukiyama had aimed for, but I felt like I was left hanging at the end of the book. In some ways, I had hoped that the emotional impact would be stronger and more profound.

Even so, I would highly recommend this book for its ability to spur imaginations and hit the correct emotional buttons from different perspectives, albeit a slightly - but only, slightly - weaker emotional impact at the end.

Book Review #1: Until I Say Good-bye

The first book I read that was written by a terminally-ill patient was The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, (I assume so because all the other authors whose books I've read have mentioned nothing about their health whatsoever) and I cannot, for the life of me, remember when I read it, or what was in it. So when I picked up Until I Say Good-bye as a birthday present for myself, I started with next to nil expectations of its content.

This book is written by court crime journalist Susan Spencer-Wendel, who has received a lifetime achievement award for her work. So I can assure you that the language used is simple, straightforward and beautiful. As for the content, I certainly was not disappointed.

The story begins with Susan and her family at Discovery Cove, Orlando. They took a three-hour drive from their home in West Palm Beach, Florida to give Susan's youngest son, Wesley a birthday treat. But as Susan puts it, this is not only a present to her youngest son; it is also a present to herself.

Susan was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) - more commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease - in June 2011. It is a progressive and irreversible disease that destroys the motor neurones responsible for voluntary movement. In other words, the neurones die, rendering the patient unable to move his or her muscles. It affects everything from walking, to holding a phone and even eating (because our digestive tract is composed of muscles as well).

It started out as a "withering" left hand - first losing grip, then strength and eventually hope that she was not afflicted with ALS. It took a year for her to finally accept and be properly diagnosed. As Susan herself admits, she was living in denial. She simple could not confirm for a fact that she had an incurable disease that would eventually take her away from her loved ones.

And so begins a journey where Susan gradually embraces the truth and embarks on a journey to uncover her past and leave behind beautiful memories for the people she holds dear.

It is somewhat akin to a memoir; but what makes it stand out are the emotions that flow between her words. The memoir is not crafted to sound like a person who is impossibly optimistic in the face of death; it expresses her vulnerabilities, her joys, her regrets and her gratitude with amazing clarity.

I personally love books that are honestly written. Honest, as in something that is not glorified for the purpose of sounding better. Something that could actually happen in real life. Something that is happening right now, to someone somewhere around the globe.

And so I appreciate how Susan is frank about her condition. How, once-in-a-while, she thinks about this disease and feels sad. She doesn't force herself to be happy all the time for the sake of optimism. Disease did not take away from her the feelings that all humans share - embarrassment, frustration, fear. It did not take away her identity.

Though the book chronicles Susan's journeys, I believe it teaches a greater lesson to each and every reader - that in the face of despair, accepting your sadness and frustration is as important as moving on.

That happy memories should and will continue to live on long after the physical presence is no longer there.

And above all, that willpower is the stage for all miracles to happen.

Life Lesson #29: The Calculator

In the eyes of the 21st century student - well, at least one who studies in a high school in Malaysia - the most durable invention of all time is not the latest military tank or the old keypad mobile phone.

It is.....

(drumroll please)

the calculator.

No matter how many times you drop it on the ground, it will almost always -  unless you smash it real bad - flash a black 0 at you when you check its lifeline.

I am no stranger to calculator-dropping. In fact, I drop many of my things in school regularly. Pens, pencils, erasers, correction tape caps and my water bottle were frequent "victims" of my hand-slips and carelessness. I spoilt my new mechanical pencil once when I dropped it on the floor one too many times. It cracked and though I tried my best to save it, nothing could be done.

That's why I like the calculator. It's durable, even after sustaining scars and slip discs. It never fails to amaze me how the calculator manages to bear the brunt of each and every fall and remain as alive as ever. Perhaps one day I should dissect my calculator and see if there's some extra special lining in it that boasts of anti-shock abilities.

If our hearts could be like calculators, then we would all be able to bounce back from disappointment and sorrow immediately, as if nothing had happened. 

But imagine if that were really the case - then there would be no meaning to happiness, sorrow, anger; because regardless of the emotion, we would all be carrying on with our lives at the same pace. Life would become a schedule, not a surprise; indeed, there would not be any enemies, but at the same time, friendship and love loses its value. 

So in a sense, I'm glad that my heart isn't a calculator. I want to be able to feel all sorts of emotions - be it good or bad. Emotions help us to grow into stronger and better people; by hiding from them we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to experience different feelings and to learn how to overcome these feelings. 

Calculators may be shock-proof, but human hearts aren't. That's not necessarily a bad thing though. We have cushions - friends, family - to catch us when we fall, so treat your "cushions" well and no matter how many times we fall, there'll always be a puffy, soft landing mat for us in life.

That being said, let's be a little nicer to our calculators too. 

Life Lesson #28: Living Without Regrets

You don't expect to be greeted by the news of a young celebrity's death on a bright Sunday morning. 

But it happened today. 

" 'Glee' star Cory Monteith found dead in hotel in Canada."

I bet a lot of people were shocked when they heard the news, even if they weren't Gleeks to begin with. I, for one, was shocked silent and had to Google it, trying to convince myself it wasn't real. We were all shocked; Lea Michele must have been devastated. I cannot imagine the ordeal she is going through right now, but I can only pray that she can stay strong, for herself, and for her late boyfriend.

When devastating things happen, it leaves you with a lot of things - sadness, regret, reminiscence. But if there were some way for us to sum it up, it would be the countless "if only"s that face us in the wake of tragedy.

If only I had been honest with myself....

If only I hadn't argued with her....

If only, if only, if only.

And at the end of the day, all we're left with are questions left unanswered, scenarios that will never happen, and a bucket filled with regret.

I don't want to look back on my life and regret the things I did, or never did. Life can't give me a rewind button or a second chance.

We can only fight for our second chances. Only we can fight to change our stories and wipe away the regrets.

Every day is a day worth being thankful for. Above all, every day is a day worth making a change, a small step towards a happier life.

No one wants to live with regrets, but only those who have the courage to face their past, present and future can live without regrets.

And I'm ready to live with that courage.

What about you?

Life Lesson #26: Teachers

A few days ago, my school witnessed its annual Teachers' Day Celebrations, which coincided with our annual class song competition. I'm glad to report that my class managed to come in as champions during our final year, which was our best and most enjoyable performance to date.

Check out the link below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWDBG6yRXAY

Anyway, the highlight of the day wasn't the competition. It was the celebrations in tribute to our teachers.

Soon after our class song performance, the entire graduation class came together to present a performance for the teachers. It consisted of a remake and recombination of songs that we hoped brought back our teachers' memories.

The link to the performance is as follows:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvseyl35MPY

It was a big challenge for us to put up this performance. It required lots of courage and improvisation.

We had barely two weeks to prepare this performance. It wasn't because we took it lightly, but because my friends and I (the first four people on stage - also known as 'The Debate Team' in school, though we've retired last year) could not coordinate our schedules for time to practise.

And then there was the issue of song arrangement. We had NO experience whatsoever in song arrangement, let alone in "remixing" songs (some of which I did not even know how to sing at first). We picked six songs - in the end, we went with four remixed songs, and a short intro performance before that.

After some transposition, rearranging, and crisis control, we finalized our performance, with a gamble on some traditional Chinese drums (muffled with cloth to create the effect of a proper Western one).

At the last minute, the entire graduation class wanted to join in. By last minute, I mean the very day before the performance was due. We did a quick and brief run-through of the songs, and frantically posted links to the original songs so that they could pick up the songs.

On the day itself, there were mistakes aplenty. I (the guitarist), at several times, played a different tempo to the drummer, and the actions were by no means, perfect. There were pitch problems, minor technical issues, confusion regarding the "bridge" between songs, and some of us didn't even know the final song had ended.

In short, it was a mess, albeit a mess we had fun "creating".

And to my surprise, as I served up a lunch box gift to a teacher (along with my fellow graduation class students), the teacher said she loved our performance and looked forward to our performances during our graduation dinner.

We were praying hard for the teachers to at least find our performance mediocre, or merely satisfying, but here there was a teacher telling me that our performance made her day.

And then I realized - the answer was so simple. As a teacher, all she wanted was a heartfelt wish, which came in the form of a "messed-up" performance.

While teachers are so easily touched by our small gestures, why do we expect so much from them to truly appreciate their efforts?

A teacher's greatest pleasure is in helping his or her student pave the way to their desired future. It is this spirit that keeps them going day after day, in the midst of troubled students, helicopter parents, tight schedules and little personal time.

So don't they deserve something aside from the customary "Thank you"?

To all the teachers who have graced my life, Happy Teachers' Day!

And if you haven't done it yet, do it today!

Timing is key; but the heart matters most. :)

Life Lesson #25: Vanity

There was a time where the word "vanity" didn't exist in my vocabulary. It was, to me, a taboo that I didn't want to approach or understand. In my young, cooped-up world, vanity was something that wasted time, money and effort - all of which could be spent doing other things that were far more "useful".

And so I became what others would define as a stereotypical nerd - head buried in books, difficulty in socializing with others, no care about appearance whatsoever. Of course, the last part isn't completely true. Though I could not bring myself to accept vanity, I still dressed properly, albeit simply. 

These were from my primary school days, or in other words, pre-teen years.

I'm living the sixth and possibly, last year of my teenage life. During those five and a half years, I've learnt a lot about what vanity means and stands for in actual life.

A lot of girls become vain in their teenage years. The levels of vanity differ from person to person - mild, moderate to excessive. We all know that things in excess (except perhaps vegetables and fruits) are bad; but a moderate amount of vanity is always good and needed.

Years ago, if I'd been asked to talk about the benefits of vanity, I would clam up, because to me vanity was and would always be a negative term. But I've come to realize that being vain comes with its advantages, as long as it isn't overdone.

When I look good, I feel good. Sounds cheesy, but hey, that's how appearances can boost confidence.

Nowadays, I care more about my skin, my hair, my looks and my style, though I'm still a nerd at heart. But who ever said that nerds can't look good and feel good too?

Being vain once in a while doesn't hurt; it helps you to realize that sometimes, you need to care for yourself too.

Being vain isn't everything; but being vain is something.

And to Bobak Ferdowsi, kudos to changing what the world thinks of us nerds!

The one, the only, Mohawk Guy!

 

A Tribute to Zach Sobiech

I admit, I am a total crybaby when it comes to movies.

I used to cry in cinemas during movie outings with friends, or when I was watching movies at home. After that I would chide myself for crying unnecessarily when others barely shed a tear. (I did not, however, cry during Les Miserables. But that was because I expected it to be extremely tragic.)

This, however, is one video that I am proud to have cried while watching.

What is the meaning to life? We never know or appreciate it until the time comes, when it's time for us to go.

But we never expect that time to come in our teens, the time when our dreams are just beginning to blossom into reality, when we just want to have fun and be crazy.

Zach Sobiech contracted cancer when he was 14. When most of us were enjoying our so-called "honeymoon years" in high school.

I cannot imagine the pain he must've felt then. That feeling of not knowing when your life is going to end, but that it will be soon.

His family calls him a "beautiful" person. That is a fact, not a praise.

He was a living example of how the strongest people are always those who hurt the most.

I say "was", because he is now in a better place, where he continues to watch over his friends and family. His life is a testimony to how an enriching life should be, and how one person's decision can inspire many others around the world.

Rest in Peace, Zach. I may not have had opportunity to know you when you were alive, but I'm glad that I now know your beautiful story.
Check out the below site for more details and to watch the heart-warming video of Zach, his family and his friends.
http://www.upworthy.com/this-kid-just-died-what-he-left-behind-is-wondtacular-rip?g=3

Life Lesson #24: Honesty

Many people claim to be honest with themselves, and to truly see the flaws contained in themselves. I used to be one of them.

I always thought that I'd faced myself honestly, that I had been looking into the mirror of my heart.

But it was a competition that showed me who I really was as a person, and that there was much to do on the road to honesty and bravery.

The only reason I ever cry after competitions is because I didn't perform well, or simply because I lost. This may sound very competitive and - perhaps, arrogant - of me, and yes, I fully admit to it and am willing to change that. But more of that later on.

Just last week, I participated in a public speaking competition. The Chinese part of the competition was impromptu, and thus we had to pick a title and prepare the script in a limited amount of time. As I received an angpau with my six optional titles in it (and not money, sadly), I singled one out and started writing.

This title I picked was 不做温室中的花朵. It meant not to become a flower inside a greenhouse. I wanted to perform well on this title, as I had under-performed in the previous Malay section. Halfway through my script, I added something in that would change my perspective of life forever.

I put in a part about how I always lived in the comfort of a greenhouse - victory. I believe I was so used to victory that I got to a point where I could not accept losses. This way of thinking did falter a bit when I lost in a competition that I had always won - but its roots were never completely destroyed. But by putting in this part of my history in my script, I was finally able to leave that part of me behind and move on.

When I was on stage presenting this part, I nearly pushed myself to the breaking point. Once I got off stage and returned to the safety of my seat, all the emotions bottled up in me were set free. One of the participants (who sat next to me) and the masters of ceremonies on stage were shocked at the sudden outburst. My fellow participant tried to calm me down (she thought I cried because I was disappointed in myself) but later on I explained that I was happy because that was the best script I had ever written in all of my 12 years of school life.

It was the best script because it was not one merely filled with facts, emotionless advice and general statements.

It was something I could relate to, something I could believe in, and something that convinced myself.

That was the first - and I believe, not the last - time I have been truly honest with myself. That was the first time I dared to look into the mirror of my heart and see the scars, the imperfections in it. 

Even as I am sitting here, writing about this right now, I feel glad that I am writing this while looking into my personal mirror.

We don't look into the mirror of our hearts not because it is futile or wasting time, but because we refuse the see the imperfections and negative sides of ourselves. 

So I guess you could say that we are all similar to Dorian Gray in this respect - by refusing to look at his portrait, he failed to see his sins. 

But it's not too late for any of us to look at the mirrors of our hearts. 

Life Lesson #23: Passion

Everyone has passion.

But having passion and realizing our passions are two completely different things.

A lot of people often say that they are extremely passionate about something - music, writing, singing, dancing.

But is it called real passion if it lives only in our heads and not in reality?

Sometimes, I wonder if I think too much - maybe I do. But that aside, I've asked myself if I was really and truly passionate about so many things in life. I love words and music. But is it my passion?

True passion is something that is emanated from our souls every minute of our lives. A person who passionate about music becomes a singer, or performs regularly. A person who is passionate about writing writes all the time. A person who is passionate about helping people lends a helping hand to anyone in need.

So how dare I call myself a passionate person when I don't even have the courage to turn my dreams into reality?

To those people who had the courage to put their passion into reality, I salute you. You dared to pursue something with unknown consequences and put in your all to make it work. You are the very icon of passion.

And to people who have yet gotten the courage to pursue your passion; do it now before you miss your chance. You will fail or you will succeed. But you learn nothing if you never try.

We have no right to criticize people with passion so long as we do not put in the same amount of effort or even more into making our passion into something concrete. We have no right to complain about people if we aren't doing anything to make things better. And no, just talking alone cannot solve the entire picture.

It is human to dream. But it is admirable to turn dreams into a real story.

Life Lesson #22: Self

Have you ever felt upset because you've had to yield something you wanted to someone else? That feeling of unfairness, the slight tinge of sourness? Then you tell yourself it's okay, it's better to let someone else have it. But that twist in your stomach remains knotted. To be selfish, or selfless, is that really a question even worth asking?

I really didn't want to write about this at first; it makes me seem like a bad guy, admitting to being selfish, or at the very least, had the experience of being selfish.

Lately though, I've been in a dilemma about these two polar opposites. Normally, I would say that being selfless is better, but now I've begun to wonder, to what extent is this still plausible?

To be completely selfless seems impossible. But people like Mother Theresa have achieved what people label as the epitome of selflessness. This is no longer a question of self however, but an issue of happiness and achievement.

We don't choose to be selfish for no reason at all; being selfish allows us to put our priorities first and that makes us feel better. We believe that being selfless means sacrificing our wants and in this respect, we feel upset when yielding something we want to another person.

I once read an article that mentioned kindness as being an act of selfishness. Why? The answer is simple; we are kind to others because we want to free others from their troubles, and that makes us happy. Being happy is one of our priorities; and thus, we are putting our priorities first and acting selfishly.

From this respect, as Mother Theresa was being selfless to others, she was being "selfish" to herself as she was joyful at her work. This "selfishness" isn't a bad thing at all. So being selfish - it's not really the thug in the equation.

The real issue on hand is actually the thoughts swirling like ice-cream in our heads. It isn't how 'selfish' or 'selfless' we are that counts; it's how good our thoughts are that matter.

Life is a never-ending battle between selfish and selfless. Occasionally a balance is achieved, where both parties benefit - when we have good intentions and even kinder ideas.

Be selfish in a good way. Then everyone can feel good. :)

Life Lesson #21: Richness

Two Sundays ago, I had the privilege to participate in the Time to Give Back event organized by Responsible Blogging 2013. And, as shown by many charity events, it wasn't just a matter of distributing items to the kids; it was a unique and meaningful lesson of life.

We went to three places in total - Ashrama Ramakrishna, Children's Protection Society and Shan Children's home. At each orphanage we distributed sandwiches, drinks and a tablet, sponsored by Subway, Chatime and Ninetology Malaysia. Thank you for the delicious lunch and for putting smiles on the kids' faces!

Ashrama Ramakrishna

Reach out to Ashrama Ramakrishna by dropping by at No.37, Jalan Scotland, 10450 Pulau Pinang, or contact them at 04-2270869/ ramkorp@hotmail.com.

Do check out their website http://theramakrishnapg.org/ for more details!

Display board at Children's Protection Society

Drop by at 118-A, Jalan Scotland, 10450 Pulau Pinang as well. If you're interested in donating, sponsoring or volunteering at Children's Protection Society, ring them at 04-8294046 or e-mail them at cpspg@hotmail.com. 

Check out www.cpspg.org.my for further details!

Shan Children's Home

Located at 679-D, Jalan Mount Erskine, Tanjung Tokong, 10470 Pulau Pinang, Penang Shan Children's Home Association needs your help. You can reach them at 04-2292186/ 016-4127711 or via e-mail at shanchildrenhomepg@yahoo.com.

Remember that every bit of help counts!

Kudos to Alextan Artworks for bringing his team over to cover the entire event for free! (http://www.facebook.com/alextanartwork?group_id=0).

One thing that really touched me was how thankful and responsible the kids were. They seem much happier than other kids, maybe because they've learnt to appreciate the little things in life. The people running the orphanages also put in their all to provide for the kids, not just material wealth, but also mental, spiritual and religious wealth.

But orphanages don't run on blogs alone; they need any form of help we can offer. They need volunteers, donations, supplies. Most of all, they need our help so that their kids can grow up to achieve their dreams. To help them, of course, we need to be rich. But richness isn't measured by money, wealth or property; it is measured by the amount of love we can give to society. 

Alex Tan and his hard-working team with the kids at Shan's Children's Home