Book Review #5: Have A Little Faith

After reading For One More Day by Mitch Albom, I couldn't wait to get started on Have A Little Faith. I was especially excited, because this was based largely on a true story. Mitch Albom did not disappoint with this book. In fact, towards the end of the book, I cried because I could feel all the emotions seeping out between each and every word. That pretty much describes how beautifully-written the book was. I appreciate how the book strengthens the idea that all religions are uniquely different but should co-exist harmoniously together. For example, when the Reb walks arm in arm with a Catholic priest. He uses actions to show that two people of different beliefs can and should get along with each other - because at the end of the day, all religions and all faiths teach us to do good. The book also serves up some simple yet profound life lessons that are buried and long forgotten in our busy lifestyles. "Nothing haunts like the things we don't say" - this was my favourite phrase in the book. I also liked the part where Albom and the Reb talked about wars related to religion. (but I won't diverge further spoilers here) All-in-all, this is a highly-recommended book for people of all religions. It packs a neat bunch of lessons that will stay with you no matter where you place your faith.

Life Lesson #30: Sibling Rivalry

Whenever people ask my twin sister and I about our sibling rivalry, we always tell people that we do have a bit of rivalry, but it's definitely healthy competition and we help each other out along the way. In fact, I think we've answered this question so many times there could an answer script subconsciously embedded into our heads by now.

Our answer hits very close to home; it's not just a diplomatic answer scripted perfectly for reporter interviews. It's true that we compete against each other; it is also true that we give each other tips and help one another out. But one thing that I haven't had the courage to divulge up until now is that yes, jealousy is something that is not lacking in our sibling rivalry.

I don't know how my sister feels about this, so it would be unfair to say that this was our joint opinion. I myself, however, do experience little stabs of jealousy (and at times, disappointment) when I don't do as well, or when I get compared to my sister on every aspect; and by that, I mean literally EVERY aspect. 

Not all twins end up doing the same thing; but in our case, yes, we ended up doing many of the same things. We both did debate, both loved to read and write, both chose the science stream in high school, and played the same musical instruments. We even joined the same competitions and the same societies. If that was not ample room to compare the both of us, I don't know what is.

When I was younger, I let my jealousy grow bit by bit. Though it never came close to the point that I got frustrated with my sister, there were times when I wished we did different things so the comparison wouldn't be so obvious. My sister is an excellent student; being compared to her is tough business.

I'm fortunate, though, that my efforts did pay off and I eventually came to terms with the whole comparing game. But I see a lot of people around me who get compared to their siblings even when they excel in different fields. They are expected to equal, do better than their siblings, or even follow in their siblings' footsteps in the future. Stress levels multiply, frustration grows and both siblings tend to drift apart because of the endless comparisons.

We people love to compare things. We compare prices at supermarkets, toners and moisturizers and beauty products from different brands, which hawker stall serves better food, and the list goes on and on and on. We always have to find something to compare. We want to find a standard, and compare everything else to it. When it comes to people, our habit takes over and we simply have to compare them to someone, anyone. When there is an older sibling, a younger sibling, a twin or a friend, we begin to make comparisons and criticisms. And we can't stop.

Comparison breeds a lot of ill feelings. That's not to say that comparison is evil; I think it is necessary for improvement. But comparing a person with another person who is essentially different hardly yields positive results, not even if you're comparing, say, a girl with her older sister. Siblings can share the same blood, and twins can share the same face, but at the end of the day, we are different beings. That applies to each and every one of us.

How do we come to terms with getting compared? Saying "she is who she is, and I am who I am" hardly changes things. For me, I came to terms with the situation. I knew my sister was excellent; at the same time, I knew I wasn't doing terribly at my studies. Instead of paying attention to other people's comparisons (and believe me, that is HARD), I paid attention to my own comparisons. I compared my current results to my previous results, and then it became easier when I saw that I was improving at my own pace. 

It becomes easier when other people aren't comparing you, because in a comparison someone always has to be the inferior one.

Another important thing is how to deal with those ill feelings. I think ill feelings are always going to be there; but instead of letting it become an elephant in the room, I believe facing and admitting their existence can lead to more comfortable thoughts. Knowing and understanding that it's alright to be jealous may even lead you to contemplate ways to become less emotionally-orientated, which can improve performance and judgement. (Because as some of us have experienced before, sibling jealousy can lead you to argue with your sibling on every single exam answer, even if your answer is plain wrong.)

I am also fortunate, in my situation, that my sister and I eventually developed different interests and were not compared for it. It definitely made things easier for both of us, as others no longer prodded us on why we didn't want to study the same things. Actions played a role; I loved to collect articles on wines and chocolates and food, while my sister was fascinated by nanotechnology and its multitude of contributions. It was obvious to anyone who knew us well that we weren't going to choose the same path in life.

But for those siblings who do get compared for what they choose to do, my best piece of advice is to remain patient and respect other people's opinions. They can say what they want, but we can choose what advice we want to apply in our lives. If you don't want to get compared - which is close to Mission Impossible - use your actions to show that you are different. Or, if you've got the courage, just tell them very nicely that you would prefer them not to compare you to your sibling. 

Most importantly, face it head on. Running away can never solve a problem -  unless you happen to be running away from a natural disaster or danger. At least, when you admit that there are comparisons and some rivalry involved, you'll find ways to reduce the comparisons and keep the rivalry healthy and beneficial for both siblings.

Because, at the end of the day, you're still family, right?

Book Review #5: Thirteen Reasons Why

What would you do if you awoke one day to find a shoebox full of tapes at your doorstep? Let's make that more specific. A box of tapes, sent by a person who had committed suicide some time ago.

I would drop the box and scream. But Clay Jensen did not do that. He took the box inside, popped a tape into his old stereo and listened. To a voice that could never be heard again.

That's when he realizes that he is named as one of the reasons Hannah Baker committed suicide.

That's when it gets freaky. But not in the kind of horror-book-way. Freaky, because you hear all the inner thoughts of a person who gradually considers suicide her only option.

The book, aptly titled Thirteen Reasons Why, is about the thirteen reasons - people - Hannah Baker took her own life. Every single action and person plays a small but key role in development of the story. Hannah's voice is interlaced with Clay's thoughts and actions; in some ways, Clay's actions foreshadows the upcoming revelations made by Hannah in her recordings.

Before I read this book, I checked out the reviews to determine if it was worth adding to my little collection. The reviews were mixed, mainly because it was centred on suicide. Suicide is a sensitive (?) topic; no one seems to know the general reason behind it, and those who have contemplated it before can't agree on a general reason.

I'm going to judge this from two angles - literary and personal.

From a literary angle, I respect Jay Asher's ability to work his creative license. Writing in the voice of a teenage girl - and one who is on the verge of suicide - is hard. Like a lot of people, Hannah Baker also has two sides. Having two sides is not a bad thing - as long as your second side is not an evil-doer. It just shows that you can't be who you want to be wherever you are, and this is something many people face in their lives. It was fresh to see this being pointed out through the discrepancy between Hannah's thoughts and actions. What I liked best, though, was the ending. I won't diverge any spoilers here - but suffice to say it has something to do with Clay Jensen. Had that part not been added into the story, I would've been compelled to judge it from a purely personal angle.

Though I agree with some critics that it was well-written, personally, I didn't fall head-over-heels for this book. Despite finding Hannah Baker a believable character and sympathizing with her, I find her motives bordering on attention-seeking. I am in no position to criticize anyone who contemplates suicide (even if it is fictional); however, I feel that some parts may have been slightly dramaticized to keep the story going, and that takes away from the freshness of the main idea.

But I must give credit to Jay Asher where it is due; especially when he brings up the idea - albeit subtly - that we want attention from those who won't give it to us, even if they are the very ones who have made our lives a big miserable mess. Why do we do that? Is it some inborn instinct to seek approval from anyone and everyone? Why is it, then, that those who have already approved us can never give us the satisfaction we seek?

I don't know why, but Thirteen Reasons Why has certainly got me reassessing my priorities in life.

Book Review #4: The Track of Sand (Inspector Montalbano series)

I was actually compelled to give this book a 4 1/2 star rating because there were some parts where I couldn't comprehend the situation clearly, but the overall storyline (and Inspector Montalbano's counter-attack) were so brilliant that I had to round it off to a 5.

Magnifique! This is my first try at the Inspector Montalbano series, and I'm already hooked! The Track of Sand is book 12 in the (currently) 13-book series by Andrea Camilleri. Each book covers a mysterious case that is unravelled by the inspector and his colleagues. In this particular book, Montalbano finds a dead horse in front of his seaside home, which marks the start of several disturbing events. He and his colleagues must make sense of the seemingly disconnected clues to solve the case.

The Inspector himself is an interesting character. He is undoubtedly smart, and at times a tad cunning; but when it comes to things that do not involve crime-solving he finds himself in an awkward predicament. Somehow this makes him seem real; he's not the perfect, uptight, no-nonsense type of inspector that is larger than life. Like everyone else, he has a temper and is not free from mistakes.

Camilleri carefully crafts a plot to out the guilty in this book. Every detail is planned out and executed artfully. It makes you applaud the brilliance of Inspector Montalbano; at the same time, it also shows Montalbano's foresight. 

I can't wait to see more of Montalbano in action in the other twelve books. Big Bad Wolf book sale, I'm counting on you! (You're also the only way I can collect ALL remaining 12 books)

Sometimes I wish I'd just stick to the trilogy books. They're so much easier (and WAY more economical) to collect.