Life Lesson #31: Greed

A week ago (or two) I met up with a friend at a cafe. We talked a bit about university, about life, and then inevitably the topic revolved around books. We had both read the same book - Thirteen Reasons Why - but weren't equally pleased with how the book turned out. He had his reasons; I had mine.

For those who haven't read Thirteen Reasons Why, I'll try my best not to spoil it for you. It wasn't my favourite, but the author (in my opinion) managed to highlight something that had been in our lives for too long - greed.

This greed of wanting to please the people who will never reciprocate our feelings the way we want them to - it's contagious, hurtful, but painfully true. This was exactly what happened to Hannah in the story (very minor spoiler, but at least details aren't provided).

There are many more of these Hannahs in the world - some waiting anxiously for a nonchalant Facebook reply, some sitting on desks fidgeting because there's no ping! on the cell, some running out of topics to say when faced with the very people they want so desperately to please. A couple of weeks before that was exactly who I was.

Now when I look back I wonder how I endured all that standing-on-pins-and-needles kind of nervousness, worrying about saying the wrong things, glancing at my phone ALL the time, wondering why there was a read but no reply, basically doing all the things I shouldn't be focusing my energy on. That entire time was mentally and emotionally exhausting. 

Luckily, after a deep heart-to-heart talk with my best friends, I finally allowed the painful reality to sink in. This was as far as it was going to get, and I would not permit myself to committing so much of my time and energy into a situation where I could not sense the sincerity I wanted in a meaningful friendship. 

I don't know how many people seek the same sincerity that I do in a friendship - just the simple knowledge that a person wants to be friends with you because he/she wants to be friends with you. No strings attached, no favours needed, just a commitment of true feelings and trust from both parties. This is the type of friendship I want to cultivate - a friendship where I can be who I am without worrying about whether my next topic of conversation is going to deplete someone's interest.

This post was and will never be intended to smear anyone's good name - but it is a reminder that it's high-time we spent more time on those who have always supported us.

After all, sincerity is a two-way thing - much like love. 

 

Happy Father's Day!

Today is Father’s Day.

What makes this year’s Father’s Day so different from others, is the impending fact that this is the last Father’s Day my sister and I will celebrate for our dad before leaving for university. What also makes it different, is the fact that my sister and I actually miscounted the date (yes, we’re talking about you, June 1^st), but luckily we have back-up plans in the pocket.

Time flies so quickly. In the blink of an eye, eighteen Father’s Days have passed. Eighteen times of buying gifts (maybe not fully eighteen, because I highly doubt we were capable of choosing gifts when we were mere toddlers), preparing cards and ordering cakes. This year is a little bit different.

This year, I am writing a tribute.

My dad is an ordinary dad. He works hard at the office, comes home, watches TV with the rest of the family and on weekends, we go out for breakfast and usually spend the rest of the day at home, watching Korean entertainment shows, changing the water in the fish tanks or playing mahjong.

My dad is a fun dad. He is a dad who sits down and suggests us to make our own amateur predictions about the World Cup. He teaches us interesting card tricks and when we’re watching a Korean singing show, we make guesses on who wins and who doesn’t.

My dad is a supportive dad. He always makes it a point to come to my competitions (even if he doesn’t quite understand what we’re debating about), and is always ready to give us a high-5 when we get off the stage. He looks at our scripts and supports our school events as best he can.

My dad taught me to be a generous and charitable person. Be it donating to a good cause or taking part in one, he used his own actions to show us how to contribute (in our own ways) to society. It is because of him that my sister and I have developed our own opinion of money – that it isn’t the most important thing in life, but that it can be used wisely to help others.

My dad is at times, a strict dad. Like my mum, he is concerned about our education and our social life. While I used to think that the relatively stricter bringing up took a toll on my social skills, now I appreciate that they had been strict with us, as it has taught us to be careful and to be wise in all our actions.

I know that my dad does all these things because he loves our family. But having been brought up in a more Asian home, none of us are very good at expressing our thoughts and emotions. For my sister and I perhaps, it is much easier to use written words.

Happy Father’s Day!!!! And we love you!!!! JJJ

Before I Go to College

In less than two months time, I will be leaving the place I have called home for so many years to study in a place that will play a role in determining my future. I didn't think this day would come so quickly; even after graduating from high school, I didn't find myself counting down the days to when I would live in a foreign country, on my own, for the first time in my life.

And for the first time in my life, I was scared. This fear of living somewhere unfamiliar without my comfortable bed was magnified after spending a brief week staying in my future college. Of course I was excited; but more than that, I was frightened, nervous, lonely. I missed my family, my sister and the friends I would not see for a long time after going to college.

That is why - albeit being a little late - I've paid more attention to my friends' behaviours, their unique fetishes, their likes and dislikes, and most importantly the things they do that remind me all the time of why I befriended them and why I will always be friends with them for decades to come.

Before I go to college, I take with me a little piece of each and every one of my closest and good friends - things I want to learn from them and carry with me wherever I go in this adventure we call life.

My best friend and confidante is my twin sister Jesline. I will most definitely not be where I am today without her help, her competition, her patient listening and her encouragement. She has an iron will, is generous and has this blur innocence that is rare in today's world. Her love of learning very much influenced my own love for random facts and knowledge, and I admire her for her ability to not over-think things. There are many more lessons I have learnt from her, but above all I am thankful simply for the fact that she was, is and will be my sister forever.

After Jesline, I have two special circles of friends - I'll call them an English-speaking group and a Chinese-speaking group. In the former there are seven people including me and Jes; in the latter there are four. These two groups are very important and precious to me, for sharing with me some of the most memorable experiences in my eighteen years of life thus far. But outside of these circles, I have also met some of the sweetest people, who are equally important to me in my life.

Before I go to college, I want to learn from Chooi Yin her (occasional) craziness and bubbly attitude.

From Tania, her initiative to keep herself well-informed and (though she may not want to admit it) her motherly talents.

Nicole's social skills are - to me - an important lesson to ace and remember.

Ying and her surprisingly sweet way of looking out for her juniors.

Qin, I am always impressed with how easily you can adapt to new environments and quickly make friends.

From Teang, her independence, charisma, and seemingly bottomless creativity.

I greatly commend Zhi Ying's patience, willingness to listen and detailed thoughtfulness.

To my "brother" in Japan, Kelven, I've always admired your maturity and caring attitude, and I'm glad to be your "sis".

A special shout-out to Tim - whom I have not talked to for a looooooong time but have never forgotten - I always appreciate your advice and your patience.

From my piano teacher, Teacher Rachel, her kindness, her strength in her faith and her dedication and passion.

I want to learn from my junior, Seow Wen, her way of showing appreciation.

Dear Roi, let's not ever forget our love for the oldies and the unconventional.

To everyone else whose name was not specifically pointed out on this list, thank you for appearing in my life and being a part of my ongoing adventure. Without you all, my life would not be half as interesting as it is today.

And this is why before I go to college, I break my usual convention of not saying anything gooey or emotional to thank and tell my friends how much I appreciate them and how special they are and always will be to me.

I love you guys! <3 <3 <3