Life Lesson #31: Greed

A week ago (or two) I met up with a friend at a cafe. We talked a bit about university, about life, and then inevitably the topic revolved around books. We had both read the same book - Thirteen Reasons Why - but weren't equally pleased with how the book turned out. He had his reasons; I had mine.

For those who haven't read Thirteen Reasons Why, I'll try my best not to spoil it for you. It wasn't my favourite, but the author (in my opinion) managed to highlight something that had been in our lives for too long - greed.

This greed of wanting to please the people who will never reciprocate our feelings the way we want them to - it's contagious, hurtful, but painfully true. This was exactly what happened to Hannah in the story (very minor spoiler, but at least details aren't provided).

There are many more of these Hannahs in the world - some waiting anxiously for a nonchalant Facebook reply, some sitting on desks fidgeting because there's no ping! on the cell, some running out of topics to say when faced with the very people they want so desperately to please. A couple of weeks before that was exactly who I was.

Now when I look back I wonder how I endured all that standing-on-pins-and-needles kind of nervousness, worrying about saying the wrong things, glancing at my phone ALL the time, wondering why there was a read but no reply, basically doing all the things I shouldn't be focusing my energy on. That entire time was mentally and emotionally exhausting. 

Luckily, after a deep heart-to-heart talk with my best friends, I finally allowed the painful reality to sink in. This was as far as it was going to get, and I would not permit myself to committing so much of my time and energy into a situation where I could not sense the sincerity I wanted in a meaningful friendship. 

I don't know how many people seek the same sincerity that I do in a friendship - just the simple knowledge that a person wants to be friends with you because he/she wants to be friends with you. No strings attached, no favours needed, just a commitment of true feelings and trust from both parties. This is the type of friendship I want to cultivate - a friendship where I can be who I am without worrying about whether my next topic of conversation is going to deplete someone's interest.

This post was and will never be intended to smear anyone's good name - but it is a reminder that it's high-time we spent more time on those who have always supported us.

After all, sincerity is a two-way thing - much like love.